Hi, my name is Erica and I’m a reject.

I’ve been feeling so stuck. As you all know I was laid-off last year and haven’t been back to work since. In April I did start doing some part time, VERY part time, virtual assisting for my previous boss who called me out of the blue one day asking for some help. It pays well, but not when you are only working a few hours here and there. 

Since March of last year I’ve applied to many, many open job postings and either never heard back, got a call/email and didn’t get the job or actually had an interview and they went with another candidate. The constant rejection is hard. Really hard. 

Recently, I considered a career/industry change when I blindly sent my resume to a firm that my sister in law had just started with. I had high hopes when the President emailed me directly and set up a video call, but was cautious since there was no other information behind it. Wasn’t a normal interview situation so I didn’t know what to expect. After a short call she quickly realized, for several reasons, that I wouldn’t be a good fit for the position they were trying to create within their company. In my opinion, and after getting the opinion of Ryan and my mom, it was because the pay was much lower than I was used to and since she knew I was/am actively applying to other positions, she saw me as a “temporary” employee. Meaning I’d only be there until something better came along/ was offered more money; I can see why she felt that way. That may very well have been the case. Except right now, I can’t see anything better coming. I wish she would’ve asked if I’d be okay with it. I tried to turn the conversation around after it went left but I couldn’t. She had made up her mind and ended the call not long after, and that was it.

After another application, I was sent a pretty hard, open ended test, which they called “the challenge”. The next day they emailed saying that my “efforts were evident” but “I did not meet their criteria”. So then I beat myself up and analyze and try to remember everything I wrote and try to figure out if it’s because I had both the girls and they were fighting and kept asking for a drink or for a snack, or “Cissy took my doll”, “Erian hit me” or whatever. I couldn’t focus, I rushed through to get it over with, I was frustrated. I had to get up from my desk at least 5 times… or hell was it because I just fucking suck that bad?! What do I respond with?! “I could’ve done better, I should’ve done better. My kids were bugging me. I couldn’t focus, please give me another chance!?” Ha! Yeah, right. I read the email several times, closed it and tried hard, really hard not to cry. But I did. Just another rejection 2 days after the last one. 

I currently have 2 active positions I’m waiting to hear back from. One sent me another “test”. I have 7 days to take it so I’m not making the same mistake again. I’m gonna have to do it at night. After everyone’s asleep. Not the ideal situation, but I don’t have a choice. 

Ryan is even trying to help. He wants me to get back to work bad! Lol He sent my resume to a colleague of his, hopefully he’ll share it. Maybe I’ll get a call or email. Maybe not.

It’s a hard pill to swallow realizing your career may be over. I’ve worked the past 16 years in my field in various industries and the last 8 years in the oil & gas industry trying to move up. I was on the verge of a promotion when I got laid-off. It fucking sucks, man. If I had known a year ago that 1 year from now I’d be in the same spot, going through this same God awful job hunt bullshit, anxious and depressed, and still having my youngest out of her learning center when deep down I know the best thing for her is to be there being social and learning, I would’ve done things differently. 

I of course expressed my feelings to Mom, and she says maybe it’s time for a career change. And I agree. But y’all know me… here it comes. Self-doubt. Nervousness. Anxiety. Fear. 

So now I’m faced with a decision. Do I keep doing what I’ve been doing and pray someone will eventually say yes? Or do I take the leap, pay the fees, do the training and certifications and exams needed to change my career completely? 

Listen, I’m tired of being a fucking reject!! I’m tired of crying and being depressed and made to feel that I’m not good enough by all these companies and hiring managers. It’s hard on me mentally and emotionally. I’m trying not to spiral into depression again. Like what the fuck is wrong with me? What do I keep doing or saying wrong? I’ve always been told (prior to all this) that I was great at interviews! I guess not anymore. I mean is there a damn support group for this type of thing?! Shit…sign me up!

But will a career change actually help? Will it be beneficial? Or will I do everything it takes and still be told no? No, because you don’t have any experience. “No, because we don’t want entry-level. No, we aren’t willing to supervise and help with a newbie.” I’ve looked up job openings in this potential new field, they want something under your belt. Something I won’t have. 

This is a tough decision, y’all. I don’t want to end up in the same situation I’m in now. I don’t want to do it all for nothing. I don’t want to waste my time, effort and money. I don’t want to be rejected, again. All I know is that I have to do something. I have to. I’ll keep you posted.